Odd Jobs

[catscradle]

I'm looking at my old employer's job listings and I'm reading the description for a job I nearly applied for. The entire outline reads like they want an aerobics instructor rather than an academic advisor, but it was the end that really slayed me:

The employee will sit, stand and walk; use hands to feel or handle objects, tools or controls; talk and hear. Specific vison abilites include close vision and the ability to adjust focus.

WTF? I mean, who the hell talks like that? "use hands to feel or handle objects..." As oppose to using them to flap about and fly away? I think I might be over qualified for the job as I also use air to breathe.

How about this instead: Employee will be a bi-pedal homo sapien that has control over 4 out of 5 of their senses. Sight, touch, speech, and hearing prefered. Smell optional. Preference will be given to those with some form of ESP.

Comments

[streel.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAH! Oh god that's funny...use hands to feel or handle objects... "Successful candidate will have prehensile nostril hair and will possess the ability to converse telepathically with non-human lifeforms. Successful candidate must demonstrate ability to craft functioning hearing aid from empty bean can."

[catscradle.livejournal.com]

Are you saying that a successful candidate must be a Scientologist? 'Cause that's religious favortism, my friend. You'll be hearing from my laywers.

[(Anonymous)]

Shhhhhhhhhh! The Scientology Cops are probably recording our conversation... ::shifty eyes::