Odd Jobs

[catscradle]

I'm looking at my old employer's job listings and I'm reading the description for a job I nearly applied for. The entire outline reads like they want an aerobics instructor rather than an academic advisor, but it was the end that really slayed me:

The employee will sit, stand and walk; use hands to feel or handle objects, tools or controls; talk and hear. Specific vison abilites include close vision and the ability to adjust focus.

WTF? I mean, who the hell talks like that? "use hands to feel or handle objects..." As oppose to using them to flap about and fly away? I think I might be over qualified for the job as I also use air to breathe.

How about this instead: Employee will be a bi-pedal homo sapien that has control over 4 out of 5 of their senses. Sight, touch, speech, and hearing prefered. Smell optional. Preference will be given to those with some form of ESP.

Comments

[almostnever.livejournal.com]

Ahahaa, that was a well-needed giggle!

[catscradle.livejournal.com]

I was dying when I read it. Much needed comic relief for the day :)

[flambeau.livejournal.com]

To me, it reads as though they're saying "people with disabilities need not apply." Course, we all see what we look for.

[catscradle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's written like that because one of the advisors, who was hired before all the position changes that require some heavy lifting and a lot of standing, has a physical disability. But I've seen the wording most departments use when a job is more physically demanding, and it's typically a bit less obtuse than that. But I just found out who wrote the discription and I can vouch for the fact that she actually does living in a vaccuum, so there ya go.

[streel.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAH! Oh god that's funny...use hands to feel or handle objects... "Successful candidate will have prehensile nostril hair and will possess the ability to converse telepathically with non-human lifeforms. Successful candidate must demonstrate ability to craft functioning hearing aid from empty bean can."

[catscradle.livejournal.com]

Are you saying that a successful candidate must be a Scientologist? 'Cause that's religious favortism, my friend. You'll be hearing from my laywers.

[(Anonymous)]

Shhhhhhhhhh! The Scientology Cops are probably recording our conversation... ::shifty eyes::

[wiebke.livejournal.com]

I've noticed other academic employers doing job listings like that and assume it has something to do with protection against anti-discrimination lawsuits. If the language is odd, blame the lawyers ;)

[catscradle.livejournal.com]

I think this has something to do with the fact that one of the advisors has a disability and it's difficult for her to pull the recuiting materials when she goes on the road, so typically she has to go with another person. Basically the position changed after she had been there for a few years, so they had to accomidate her disabilities. But you can get around the moronic wording on that by specifying that you need to be able to lift 20 lbs, push a cart and do a lot of standing at recruiting events. Are you really going to have an employee suing because no one told them they couldn't perform their job in a vaccuum? But I also know who wrote the description now and itmakes perfect sense and this woman actually does exist in a vaccuum.

[babaca.livejournal.com]

Ah the joyous ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) writing that must be noted in job descriptions. He's trying to cover his butt, but it does read pretty badly. He just doesn't want to have to make compensations for anyone with a disability who might be qualified for the job and this is the loophole around it.