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catscradle Oct. 16th, 2003 12:07 pm)
catscradle Oct. 16th, 2003 12:07 pm)Haven't written in many moons, but this little ficlet got stuck in my head whilst I was in the shower yesterday. My first Anya-centric BtVS fic =)
Being Human
Stephanie
October 16, 2003
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Note: This ficlet takes place Season 3 between The Wish and Doppelgängland
Pairing: Anya/f
Rating: PG-13
"Hello. I'm having great teenage sexual urges and I'm looking for a lesbian to satisfy them." Anya looked around the place. It looked like an old warehouse that had been converted into a flophouse for runaways. There were a few scattered pieces of ratty foam used as makeshift beds for the kids that gathered there. She began to second guess the wisdom of going to such a place, but she had no where else to stay except the sewers, and there were too many vampires one could run into there.
And she needed companionship. God, she needed companionship. She had been human for all of 24 hours and all she could think about was sex. Stupid humans. . .
The girl, who was about Anya's apparent age, looked her up and down. She flicked the butt of her cigarette and then squashed it when it hit the ground. "Experimenting?"
"Sort of." Anya looked down shyly. "I just can't be with a man. After all this time, it would be bad. Hypocritical really. And I just need. . . something. It's this whole being human thing, you know?"
"Yeah, I can dig that. So you're having some existential identify crisis and you want to try the other side."
Anya nodded nervously and looked down again.
"So long as you don't get attached."
"Oh, no," Anya shook her head. "I don't even find you remotely attractive."
The girl crossed her arms. "Thanks." She took Anya by the arm and pulled her over to the decrepit pieces of foam. "I honestly don't care. Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want. Think of it like a business transaction."
"Oh." Anya sighed. "I didn't realize. . . See, I don't have any money. Or a home, for that matter. He didn't give me anything of that when he kicked me out."
The girl nodded. "So that's what happened to you, huh? Yeah, men suck. One day all women are going to realize this fact and just forget about them altogether." She began to unbutton her shirt. "Look, I'm no ho. I just like girls. This ain't that type of transaction. You give me a little pleasure and I give you a little pleasure. Then we're square, okay? We part ways and everyone is happy. We're not girlfriends or anything." She tossed her shirt on the floor.
"Well that's perfect!" Anya smiled. "You know, you're not very pretty, but you have nice breasts. You could easily get a man if you wanted. They don't care about the face so long as you have a good set of--"
"Jesus, lady, I don't fucking care about men! They’re all asshole, warmongering, pigs. I like cunt, get it? Not because I'm not "pretty" enough to get a man and keep him."
“Well yes, of course." Anya laughed off the girls statement as though it were obvious. "I know that. All men are evil, warmongering, penis obsessed, liars. That goes without saying. But it does make it easier to torture them when you know they've done something wrong."
"Torture them. . ." the girl repeated the words as her eyes grew wider.
"It's in the job description," Anya shrugged. "Say, have you ever seen a man drawn and quartered? It’s very satisfying. I highly recommend it for a true man-hater such as yourself.”
"Christ, I always get in bed with the wackos..." the girl backed away.
"Oh, no. I'm not crazy or anything." Anya laughed and waved her hand in dismissal. "Not to worry. I won't hurt you."
"Oh shit. . . Christ . . ." The girl instinctively grabbed her neck. "Vampire. . ." her voice cracked.
"Oh no, I'm a vengeance demon," she stated matter of factly. "Ex, actually," she frowned and looked down in defeat. "It's just that, well, times aren't like they used to be. I mean, when women called for vengeance it was because they were being boiled alive in oil or their husbands were beating them. Now they call for vengeance for every little stupid thing. 'Oh, he's not sensitive enough, he didn't buy me a diamond ring, I wish a piano would fall on him,'" Anya mimicked in a whiney tone. "And they're sloppy in their wishes. We're talking colossal sloppy. No control at all, just shrapnel wishing left and right. Is it my fault when those wishes start to go haywire? No. They need to have some sort of classes on how to make a proper wish." She paused for a moment and then nodded to herself, "An elective to take the place of home ec. Now gypsies, they know how to curse! No vampires and giant spiders running amok when they make a vengeance wish. I'd still be working for D'Hoffryn if they'd only let professionals’ make wishes."
The girl stared at her for a moment and then grabbed her shirt. "Look, you have some issues. I can tell. So I'm just gonna leave and you can deal with those."
"Oh, don't leave!" Anya pleaded. "I'm sorry. I mean, just because I'm not really attracted to you and I'm hopeless head over heels for the man I just tried to have vengeance on doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. Can't we still, you know, um. . . get it on? I'm very old, I've learned a lot about lesbian sex over the years."
The girl swiftly threw her shirt around her shoulders and clutched it closed. "No. . .no. . ." she shook her head. "No. Not so much. I think maybe. . . no." She got up and dashed from the room.
Anya sighed and laid back on the foam. "I could have been a good lesbian." She pulled the broken remains of the crystal from her pocket and stared at it for a moment. "How am I supposed to live in this hellhole? It's not even a good hellhole. It's a pathetic hellhole. And I have all of these teenage urges," she spat the last word. "Stupid humans. All they can think about is reproduction. All I can think about is reproduction. Look at me! She sat there in silence for another moment and closed her eyes. "Well, that Xander person is free now." She paused again and grit her teeth. "Shit."
Will report on the Michael Moore event later today.
Being Human
Stephanie
October 16, 2003
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Note: This ficlet takes place Season 3 between The Wish and Doppelgängland
Pairing: Anya/f
Rating: PG-13
"Hello. I'm having great teenage sexual urges and I'm looking for a lesbian to satisfy them." Anya looked around the place. It looked like an old warehouse that had been converted into a flophouse for runaways. There were a few scattered pieces of ratty foam used as makeshift beds for the kids that gathered there. She began to second guess the wisdom of going to such a place, but she had no where else to stay except the sewers, and there were too many vampires one could run into there.
And she needed companionship. God, she needed companionship. She had been human for all of 24 hours and all she could think about was sex. Stupid humans. . .
The girl, who was about Anya's apparent age, looked her up and down. She flicked the butt of her cigarette and then squashed it when it hit the ground. "Experimenting?"
"Sort of." Anya looked down shyly. "I just can't be with a man. After all this time, it would be bad. Hypocritical really. And I just need. . . something. It's this whole being human thing, you know?"
"Yeah, I can dig that. So you're having some existential identify crisis and you want to try the other side."
Anya nodded nervously and looked down again.
"So long as you don't get attached."
"Oh, no," Anya shook her head. "I don't even find you remotely attractive."
The girl crossed her arms. "Thanks." She took Anya by the arm and pulled her over to the decrepit pieces of foam. "I honestly don't care. Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want. Think of it like a business transaction."
"Oh." Anya sighed. "I didn't realize. . . See, I don't have any money. Or a home, for that matter. He didn't give me anything of that when he kicked me out."
The girl nodded. "So that's what happened to you, huh? Yeah, men suck. One day all women are going to realize this fact and just forget about them altogether." She began to unbutton her shirt. "Look, I'm no ho. I just like girls. This ain't that type of transaction. You give me a little pleasure and I give you a little pleasure. Then we're square, okay? We part ways and everyone is happy. We're not girlfriends or anything." She tossed her shirt on the floor.
"Well that's perfect!" Anya smiled. "You know, you're not very pretty, but you have nice breasts. You could easily get a man if you wanted. They don't care about the face so long as you have a good set of--"
"Jesus, lady, I don't fucking care about men! They’re all asshole, warmongering, pigs. I like cunt, get it? Not because I'm not "pretty" enough to get a man and keep him."
“Well yes, of course." Anya laughed off the girls statement as though it were obvious. "I know that. All men are evil, warmongering, penis obsessed, liars. That goes without saying. But it does make it easier to torture them when you know they've done something wrong."
"Torture them. . ." the girl repeated the words as her eyes grew wider.
"It's in the job description," Anya shrugged. "Say, have you ever seen a man drawn and quartered? It’s very satisfying. I highly recommend it for a true man-hater such as yourself.”
"Christ, I always get in bed with the wackos..." the girl backed away.
"Oh, no. I'm not crazy or anything." Anya laughed and waved her hand in dismissal. "Not to worry. I won't hurt you."
"Oh shit. . . Christ . . ." The girl instinctively grabbed her neck. "Vampire. . ." her voice cracked.
"Oh no, I'm a vengeance demon," she stated matter of factly. "Ex, actually," she frowned and looked down in defeat. "It's just that, well, times aren't like they used to be. I mean, when women called for vengeance it was because they were being boiled alive in oil or their husbands were beating them. Now they call for vengeance for every little stupid thing. 'Oh, he's not sensitive enough, he didn't buy me a diamond ring, I wish a piano would fall on him,'" Anya mimicked in a whiney tone. "And they're sloppy in their wishes. We're talking colossal sloppy. No control at all, just shrapnel wishing left and right. Is it my fault when those wishes start to go haywire? No. They need to have some sort of classes on how to make a proper wish." She paused for a moment and then nodded to herself, "An elective to take the place of home ec. Now gypsies, they know how to curse! No vampires and giant spiders running amok when they make a vengeance wish. I'd still be working for D'Hoffryn if they'd only let professionals’ make wishes."
The girl stared at her for a moment and then grabbed her shirt. "Look, you have some issues. I can tell. So I'm just gonna leave and you can deal with those."
"Oh, don't leave!" Anya pleaded. "I'm sorry. I mean, just because I'm not really attracted to you and I'm hopeless head over heels for the man I just tried to have vengeance on doesn't mean we can't have a little fun. Can't we still, you know, um. . . get it on? I'm very old, I've learned a lot about lesbian sex over the years."
The girl swiftly threw her shirt around her shoulders and clutched it closed. "No. . .no. . ." she shook her head. "No. Not so much. I think maybe. . . no." She got up and dashed from the room.
Anya sighed and laid back on the foam. "I could have been a good lesbian." She pulled the broken remains of the crystal from her pocket and stared at it for a moment. "How am I supposed to live in this hellhole? It's not even a good hellhole. It's a pathetic hellhole. And I have all of these teenage urges," she spat the last word. "Stupid humans. All they can think about is reproduction. All I can think about is reproduction. Look at me! She sat there in silence for another moment and closed her eyes. "Well, that Xander person is free now." She paused again and grit her teeth. "Shit."
Will report on the Michael Moore event later today.
