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catscradle Sep. 22nd, 2003 01:29 pm)
catscradle Sep. 22nd, 2003 01:29 pm)I venture out to grab lunch today and find myself getting the rotisserie chicken meal at the local market. Whilst I'm paying my bill, I tell the lady that my credit card won't swipe because it got demagnetized at the airport. As I'm telling my sad story, the guy behind me leans over and says "My God, that's terrible! Are you going to be okay? Can I buy you lunch?" So now I'm doing fish mouth because I don't know how to begin to reply to this guy. My first thought was, it's not so terrible, really. Assuming the cashier hasn't had all her fingers broken, I'm certain the transaction will still go though providing she's also not blind. Manual overrides are seriously no big deal. Then I thought, sure, go ahead and buy me lunch. But after that, would you object to never seeing me again?
Guys, if you want to get laid, you really need to do better than a 6 dollar lunch. I expect at least a dinner from McCormicks and you'll have much better luck if the sturgeon is in season and truffles are involved. You'll also do better to buy me a few martini's first. And that's all just to get into the door to meet my parents over the holidays. Bring a bottle of wine for them.
Now, maybe I'm seeing too much into this and he really was just trying to be nice to a damsel in distress, even if that distress was in his own mind, but christ, if you're that stupid, you might want to be saving that money rather than blowing it on some girl you never met before. Besides, I'm mean when it comes right down to it.
So I tell him, thanks, but it's no big deal. I'm fine, really. And he nods and smiles and shrugs and then asks if I'd like to have my lunch with him. No, says I. I need to get back to work. So he nods and says "Well, maybe I'll see you later. I'm going to the "Does God Exist seminar tomorrow. Would you like to go?" I've just informed this man that I would not do so much as accept a free lunch from him and now he want's to know if I'd like to sit with him for a few hour at a lecture on how you can scientifically prove the existence of God. Somehow I found the strength to turn him down on that too. "Really, not so much." He shrugged again and left.
Guys, if you want to get laid, you really need to do better than a 6 dollar lunch. I expect at least a dinner from McCormicks and you'll have much better luck if the sturgeon is in season and truffles are involved. You'll also do better to buy me a few martini's first. And that's all just to get into the door to meet my parents over the holidays. Bring a bottle of wine for them.
Now, maybe I'm seeing too much into this and he really was just trying to be nice to a damsel in distress, even if that distress was in his own mind, but christ, if you're that stupid, you might want to be saving that money rather than blowing it on some girl you never met before. Besides, I'm mean when it comes right down to it.
So I tell him, thanks, but it's no big deal. I'm fine, really. And he nods and smiles and shrugs and then asks if I'd like to have my lunch with him. No, says I. I need to get back to work. So he nods and says "Well, maybe I'll see you later. I'm going to the "Does God Exist seminar tomorrow. Would you like to go?" I've just informed this man that I would not do so much as accept a free lunch from him and now he want's to know if I'd like to sit with him for a few hour at a lecture on how you can scientifically prove the existence of God. Somehow I found the strength to turn him down on that too. "Really, not so much." He shrugged again and left.
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Was he good looking at least? ;)
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