Am I going to Hell for Writing Slash?

[catscradle]

Some will.



No, I don't think the average slash writer or reader is going to hell. Not for subject matter at least. It's the writing. When the writing is so godawful and the plot stupid as all hell, I've got to believe there is some sort of divine justice that will smite these writers. Or least just make them stop. I'd settle for that.

In my search at ff.net - which is always scary, but I was trying to find if a certain fandom existed - if it's not easy to find on the web, then the next bet it ff.net. It won't be good, but it will at least answer the question of if there's an interest out there. Well, there wasn't. But I did find Bible fanfic. I knew it existed, but never bothered to look before. So while I was in the neighborhood. . .

So I did a search on all the NC-17 Bible fics. That in itself is not bad. I condemn no one for writing that as there are about 101 slashable couples in the bible. David/Jonathon, Ruth/Naomi, mix'n match Apostles, etc. . .

Most of the fics there, however, are all inspirational and don't go beyond a G rating. Understable. There's only one page worth of NC-17 out of 400+ fics.

Well, I found God/Satan slash. And even then, I wouldn't mind this done well. And you can do this well. Lots of tension going on with God and Satan - love/hate and all that. Hell, the book of Job tells us they were on friendly speaking terms for a while.

This isn't it.

Religous Despair

It start with a note to the Pope not to sue him. I don't think it's the Pope I'd be worried about here. . .

How could a father do this to his first son, or had he
even been his lover? Satan even got rid of his real name, Satanael, despising the last syllable because it symbolized God.

Satanael? Okay, so they understand that "el" means "of God" - but Satanael? Satan is a title, not a name. I don't expect people to know the eytomology of the word, or the actual Hebrew translation, but it's still accepted in all Christian denominations that Satan is a title given and not personal name. (as an aside in much of the Hebrew Bible text satan is modified with the definate article "the" - explicitly stating that it's a title. The satan - like "the lawyer" - also indicating that there were more than just one. In other text, it's also used as a verb - "to turn")

As we move on, Satanael is depressed because everyone on earth thinks he's the evil one and the cause of all nastiness in the world.

The sound around Satan died down and he could clearly hear the young girl speak to him. "He will find you, destroy you! There is no escape!"

Out of the mouths of babes, huh, Satanael?

Enter, God:

"Well, you found a nice place to hide this time, my little angel." Satan opened his eyes and looked into the eyes of the stranger (. . . ) Gently he took Satan's face into his hands and kissed him slightly on his soft lips. But the next kiss wasn't gentle. God forced his tongue into Satan's mouth, angelic blood mixing with human spit, almost suffocating the black angel. God's
hands gripped Satan's hips and he pressed himself into the helpless dark Lord.

Mind you, at this point they're standing in the middle on the street, both in human bodies and fully clothed. Nothing is impossible with God, I tell you.

Satan cried out in pain, tears streaming down his pale face. Blood and pain was all he was able to feel. Blood dripping on the ground, his blood, while God was fucking him senseless.

For those of us who have ever felt screwed by God, this one's for you.

God pulled out leaving Satan's erection unattended. He wouldn't get release tonight and no other following night. Satan felt pure agony. So much pain enveloped his body he didn't even dare to touch himself to get rid of his painful erection.

What? Is Satanael afraid that fur will grow on his palms, or that he'll go blind? He's SATAN! It's called masterbation, fella. . .

"I... I'll never come with you. Never, I don't belong to you anymore, I'm free." Satan whispered while he stared at his tormentor.

Well, given the fact that God seems to be able to find you anywhere and you just mentioned how much you wanted it and the whole discovery that there is no such thing as free will, I think maybe you're a little less free than you might think.

Satan flushed, yes, he knew it. The whole earth was created by God, and Satan himself like all other living things, was just the toy of an old madman.
THE END?

The Gnostic ending was a nice touch. Poor Satanael. But if this dude is writing more fics I'm calling Willow to pull up all the dark forces again.

Jesus Christ!