The Name Game

So Madonna thinks she's Jewish because she studies Kabbalah. Heh. Heh, heh... Madonna reinvents herself as Esther. Yeah. Nice and modest. She chooses to name herself after a queen. That Madonna, she's something, isn't she?

"I did spend, you know, at least a decade taking my clothes off and being photographed, saying bad words on TV, and, you know, that sort of thing," she told ABC's Cynthia McFadden. "I don't regret it, but it's just ... I mean everybody takes their clothes off now. And then what? You know? And -- and then what?"

And THEN what, damn it! Well then you study Jewish mysticism and change your name to Ester, ya stupid git. Though maybe she should have called Cat Stevens before she went and changed her name.

But you know, this got me to thinking. Maybe I should change my name. Stephanie's nice and all, but that's my old life. That's my name from the days where I studied philosophy and literature, flashed for beads and bashed people in the head with umbrellas whilst in a drunken haze in the French Quarter. Stephanie's just not me anymore. Now I'm more mature. I find myself having mystical experiences in downtown Denver amidst strange clouds of sweet smelling smoke in tattoo parlors. I've read Hunter S. Thompson's Hell's Angels, so I'm qualified to be a biker chick now.

My new name is: Sally Demonskull