MST3K: Interview Part 1
Experience is for Wusses



NOTE: I split the first interview up into 3 parts due to length. I’m not sure I’ll tackle the second half of the Gibson interview due to time constraints with work, but I think we all get the gist…


The Players:

Charles Gibson, ABC news anchor
Sarah Palin, vice presidential candidate
Stephanie B., pissed off voter


GIBSON: Governor, let me start by asking you a question that I asked John McCain about you, and it is really the central question. Can you look the country in the eye and say

STEPH: “I am not an April Fool’s joke.”

GIBSON: "I have the experience and I have the ability to be not just vice president, but perhaps president of the United States of America?"

PALIN: I do, Charlie, and on January 20, when John McCain and I are sworn in, if we are so privileged to be elected to serve this country, we’ll be ready. I'm ready.

STEPH: “Oh, like, being Vice President is hard.”

GIBSON: And you didn't say to yourself, "Am I experienced enough? Am I ready? Do I know enough about international affairs? Do I -- will I feel comfortable enough on the national stage to do this?"

PALIN: I didn't hesitate, no.

STEPH: “We… I mean I, of course, do not question the will of God Almighty, Charlie.”

GIBSON: Didn't that take some hubris?

STEPH: “Well, Charlie, I suppose that depends on how you define ‘hubris’. Um…how do you define it? Just a little hint? Please?”

PALIN: I -- I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness and knowing that you can't blink, you have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we're on, reform of this country and victory in the war, you can't blink. So I didn't blink then even when asked to run as his running mate.

STEPH: “Because if you blink, that means you can’t see for a second, and that confidence in readiness and knowingness and committedness waivers in my inexperienceness and my wiring gets crossed and the mission gets all cloudy, Charlie, and I can’t hear the voices in my head and so I don’t blink. I don’t blink, Charlie, and I accept any proposition anyone suggests to me that grants me the power to decide who lives and who dies.”

GIBSON: But this is not just reforming a government. This is also running a government on the huge international stage in a very dangerous world. When I asked John McCain about your national security credentials, he cited the fact that you have commanded the Alaskan National Guard and that Alaska is close to Russia. Are those sufficient credentials?

STEPH: “I will accept any answer but ‘yes.’”

PALIN: But it is about reform of government and it's about putting government back on the side of the people, and that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues.

STEPH: “It’s about whatever I say it’s about, Charlie. Here, let me ask me the questions…”

PALIN: Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that's with the energy independence that I've been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy, that I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, overseeing the oil and gas development in our state to produce more for the United States.

GIBSON: I know. I'm just saying

STEPH: “that – and pardon my French - you didn’t answer the fucking question.”

GIBSON: “that national security is a whole lot more than energy.”

PALIN: It is, but I want you to not lose sight of the fact that energy is a foundation of national security. It's that important. It's that significant.

STEPH: “It’s the only answer my handlers coached me to give.” And because we all know that what she has to really worry about is a 30+ year veteran journalist and news anchor losing sight of what national security is all about.

GIBSON: Did you ever travel outside the country prior to your trip to Kuwait and Germany last year?

PALIN: Canada, Mexico, and then, yes,

STEPH: “Las Vegas.”

PALIN: that trip, that was the trip of a lifetime to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany. That was the trip of a lifetime and it changed my life.

STEPH: “Did you know they don’t use the dollar in Germany, Charlie? And that all the signs are written in German? It was a hoot to figure it all out! Kuwait’s kinda like Phoenix though.”

GIBSON: Have you ever met a foreign head of state?

STEPH: “Kissinger doesn’t count.”

PALIN: There in the state of Alaska, our international trade activities bring in many leaders of other countries.

GIBSON: And all governors deal with trade delegations.

PALIN: Right.

STEPH: “Say! You’re good at this, Charlie!”

GIBSON: Who act at the behest of their governments.

STEPH: Which means they’re not…come on, you know this one. They’re not… three words. Not “____ of ____.” Tip of the tongue, come on!

PALIN: Right, right.

STEPH: Rhymes with “stead of hate…”

GIBSON: I'm talking about somebody who's a head of state, who can negotiate for that country.

STEPH: “D’oh!”

GIBSON: Ever met one?

STEPH: “I’ve met THE President. I’m talking about the only one that really matters, Charlie. Just last week I had dinner with the Bush and Cheney where I signed over my free will. And God willing when I am sworn in as vice president, I’ll meet them again to sign over my soul. So, I also have experience with signing contracts.”

PALIN: I have not and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you.

STEPH: Or they may not. In fact, all of the vice presidents in the past 40 years have had experience with foreign leaders. Dan Quayle had experience with foreign heads of state. But to be fair, Gibson didn’t specify vice presidents of the United States.

PALIN: But, Charlie, again, we've got to remember what the desire is in this nation at this time. It is for no more politics as usual and somebody's big, fat resume maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yes, they've had opportunities to meet heads of state ... these last couple of weeks ... it has been overwhelming to me that confirmation of the message that Americans are getting sick and tired of that self-dealing and kind of that closed door, good old boy network that has been the Washington elite.

STEPH: “What this nation really wants is someone with no experience, no clue, and not from this planet. And Charlie, I happen to not be from this planet. And I think, and I think you already know this, Charlie, that the American people are ready to embrace an alien from another planet, because they’re sick and tired of the self-dealing, closed door, good ole boy’s club. I am ready to be that alien, Charlie. I’m ready.

Sarah Palin on God:

GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?

PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.

STEPH: “I’m pretty sure my exact quote included something about all my political enemies being forsaken by God, consumed by locusts, and their remains set afire in the Lake of Hell. Maybe my staff brought a clip of that for you…”

GIBSON: Exact words.

PALIN: But the reference there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln's words when he said -- first, he suggested never presume to know what God's will is, and I would never presume to know God's will or to speak God's words.

STEPH: “I would never presume to know the will of God, Charlie. Which is why I had God sign over his power of attorney to me. As the sole executor of God’s Will, I of course had to read it…”

PALIN: But what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that's a repeat in my comments, was let us not pray that God is on our side in a war or any other time, but let us pray that we are on God's side.

STEPH: Let’s see, “task that is from God” versus “let us pray that we are on God's side.” The former is the epitome of hubris, while the latter suggests a shred of humility. I bet Abraham Lincoln blinks too, the fool!

PALIN: That's what that comment was all about, Charlie. And I do believe, though, that this war against extreme Islamic terrorists is the right thing. It's an unfortunate thing, because war is hell and I hate war, and, Charlie, today is the day that I send my first born, my son, my teenage son overseas with his Stryker brigade, 4,000 other wonderful American men and women, to fight for our country, for democracy, for our freedoms. Charlie, those are freedoms that too many of us just take for granted. I hate war and I want to see war ended. We end war when we see victory, and we do see victory in sight in Iraq.

STEPH: “And Charlie, I just want to remind you, 9/11”

GIBSON: I take your point about Lincoln's words

STEPH: What?! What point? That’s she’s insane?

GIBSON: but you went on and said, "There is a plan and it is God's plan."

PALIN: I believe that there is a plan for this world and that plan for this world is for good. I believe that there is great hope and great potential for every country to be able to live and be protected with inalienable rights that I believe are God-given, Charlie, and I believe that those are the rights to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That, in my world view, is a grand -- the grand plan.

STEPH: I like how she’s able to take herself out of context and give her words a whole new meaning. “I believe that there is a plan, Charlie, and it’s for bunnies, flowers and love!” Think there’s any hope that the Palin/McCain campaign would run a transparent government?

GIBSON: But then are you sending your son on a task that is from God?

PALIN: I don't know if the task is from God, Charlie. What I know is that my son has made a decision. I am so proud of his independent and strong decision he has made, what he decided to do and serving for the right reasons and serving something greater than himself and not choosing a real easy path where he could be more comfortable and certainly safer.

STEPH: You don’t suppose that her son’s decision to join the army had anything to do with her preaching the word that “our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God” now do you? I mean, no freaken pressure, son. Just remember that if you don’t join the military and go to war, God will destroy the world, kill all the kittens and let Obama win the election. It’s your decision, son.

Or alternatively, risking certain death at the hands of a pissed off Iraqi seemed a better option than hanging around mom.


Stay tuned for the exciting Part II of Governor Palin's stirring interview where she reveals her fresh perspective of knowing nothing about anything!
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